


Kindred Spirits

by StandinShadow



Series: Anne of Green Gables [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Korean Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Pining Keith (Voltron), but not romantically or at least not entirely
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 05:46:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,581
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11224569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StandinShadow/pseuds/StandinShadow
Summary: There were two boys. You could say they were Kindred Spirits. and then you couldn't.





	Kindred Spirits

**Author's Note:**

> Basically a fic written to deal with my fears about one of the possible (if unlikely) outcomes of Keith flying the Black Lion and Lance flying Red in terms of character shifts.

Once upon a time there were two boys. One belonged to Blue and one belonged to Red.

* * *

Keith’s favorite book when he’s little is Anne of Green Gables, and he reads it over and over at group home until the pages start to tear and the cover is worn. He reminds himself eventually Anne finds family and friends of her own. _Kindred spirits._ Two souls that immediately connect and recognize each other. Keith knows his kindred spirits will find him. But then Keith goes from foster home to foster home, and at some point his case worker stops calling him a ‘sweet, quiet kid’ and starts calling him ‘troubled and angry’. No one wants a bad kid, and Keith almost gives up on the idea of finding his own kindred spirit.

Then Keith enters the Garrison and meets Takashi Shirogane. Shiro, with his warm smiles and endless, patience, who sees Keith’s determination and willpower as good things and not flaws. Shiro listens when Keith rambles on about Cryptids and astronomy, whose eyes shine with pride instead of concern when Keith goes with his guts even when it’s wrong. Shiro takes Keith’s fieriness, his broiling emotions, and tells Keith they're okay.

Keith feels understood for the first time in his life. It’s selfish to want more. But … Keith can’t stop watching the new boy in his lower flight classes, with his bright smiles and loud laugh, eyes twinkling in every time he laughs. Lance. 

Lance doesn’t want to be his friend, makes fun of his hair, his height, challenging him to little competitions in class. Keith still feels drawn to him in a way he doesn’t to anyone else except Shiro (but it’s not the same), falling into the pattern of little arguments and checking their scores. Keith smirks every time he bests Lance, because he knows it’ll earn him another week of his time.

* * *

Lance wants to hate Keith Kim, he really does. But he doesn’t. Not when he sees those glimpses of Keith’s warm smile and adoring eyes when he looks at Takashi Shirogane, when he sees his confused expression at parties and the fiery passion that drives him as much over cryptids as piloting. Keith is a wildfire and Lance wants to hold him somehow.

But no one but Shiro gets to touch Keith. Keith is quiet and serious, spending all his time practicing flight patterns and studying stars. He never comes to class bonding, even the mandatory ones, but no one says anything. Not to Keith, with his perfect record and natural talent. Lance tries not to become bitter and jealous, but he does, until it burns in the back of his throat every time he sees Keith.

“Billy Rae Cyrus called, he wants his haircut back,” Lance calls one day in the hallway, out of nowhere, earning a small pout and scrunched eyebrows from Keith. “You know? ‘Cause of your mullet?”

“Whose Billy Rae Cyrus?” Keith asks, voice soft as he leans over to look at Lance, curious and open. Lance blinks a little, and for a moment he thinks about being nice, about explaining things to Keith so he isn’t awkwardly in the corner at every party. Then he remembers Keith beat him in this week’s flight simulation. Again.

“Google it, hothead,” Lance snaps instead, pushing past Keith and marching down the hallway without looking back. Three days later Shiro vanishes and Keith is inconsolable. Three weeks after that Keith disappears too. Years later, Lance will regret not telling Keith who Billy Rae was.

* * *

“We do make a good team,” Lance murmurs, smiling even as he winced in pain, bruises forming across his jawline. Keith grins back, soft and longing, pushing down the fear he might lose someone else he cares about today. He doesn’t even have Pidge, not really, but this is the closest thing Keith’s had to a family since he was nine (and isn’t that pathetic).

Lance falls in and out consciousness after that. Keith insists on helping to carry Lance even though Shiro is stronger than him, taking comfort in the strained but clear breaths coming from the other boy. Lance’s eyes flutter open while Keith is holding him in his arms, one hand carefully slid under Lance’s head to support him. Lance grins at him, letting out a pained huff. “Well isn’t this romantic?”

“Don’t make yourself laugh,” Keith warns him, smiling a little as he pulls Lance closer to his chest. Lance nods slightly, glancing up at Keith thoughtfully as they make their slow lurch out of the hangar.

“Billy Rae Cyrus is a singer from like 100 years ago,“ Lance mutters suddenly and Keith blinks a little, feeling lost. He has no idea where that came from or why it mattered – oh. Yes he did, and Keith’s gaze softens as he looks down at Lance. “I always wanted to tell you.”

“I always wanted to be your friend at the Garrison,” Keith murmurs softly, earning a small look of surprise from Lance before the other boy’s eyelids start to grow heavier again.

“Then you probably shoulda talked to someone ‘sides Shiro,” Lance mutters, and Keith lets out a small, desperate laugh as he makes his way through the hangar. Then Lance closes his eyes entirely He doesn’t open them again before he’s in the pod, and Keith waits by his side through the night.

Lance says he doesn’t remember bonding with Keith when he wakes up. Keith tries not to take it personally.

* * *

“Thanks Keith,” Lance says mid-fight, shifting his blaster at the next target. Keith smiles over at him and gives a quick nod of recognition, of acknowledgement. Lance knows Keith gets it now; he’s not the only one who can be take a good shot. In fact (though sometimes Lance worries about this too), he’s a better shot than Keith.

“Hey, Lance I wanted to – I’m sorry,” Keith mutters as he walks over to him, awkwardly throwing a towel over his shoulder. Lance smiles at him, raising an eyebrow as Keith’s gaze awkwardly drops to the ground below. “Sometimes I just get kind of competitive.”

“I mean, I can’t really say I’m better,” Lance admits with a small laugh, and after a second Keith joins in, both of them shaking their head a little. It’s hard to navigate, this space between rivals and friends, connected in animosity and understanding. “But at least we have fun, right?”

“Yeah, yeah we do,” Keith agrees with a small smile, eyes bright before he turns to walk away. He pauses at the door, glancing back at Lance hopefully. It’s been awhile since he – or anyone really did anything with Keith.

Lance pauses, trying to decide if he is making the right call. Keith’s the one avoiding everyone. He might want to be alone. But he doesn’t look like it right now, and Lance never leaves a cute person unattended if he can help it. “Hey Keith, before you go back to your room, do you wanna watch some bad Altean soap operas? Soak in some local culture?”

“Local culture from 10,000 years ago?” Keith asks with a small snort, raising his eyebrows a little. For a second Lance feels like an idiot, but then he sees the softness in Keith’s gaze, in his smile. “Yeah, why not?”

That night is sweet, friendly and makes Lance wonder what they could become. The next day Keith yells at the rest of them in genuine anger for the second time, and Lance doesn’t understand why. But for once he wants to.

* * *

“So, is this why you’ve been extra moody lately?” Lance asks as he glances over at Keith with a cautious smile. Keith winces a little, because yeah, maybe he’s been a little angrier and distant the past few weeks. Suspecting that he’s part alien threw him through a loop, and he forgot to consider anyone else in the process.

“I – yeah,” Keith answers softly, letting his usual glare fade into his (more usual than he’d like) anxious expression. “I wanted to tell you guys but I didn’t know for sure and I was-“

“Afraid we’d reject you for being part alien?” Lance says, grinning a little as he leans towards Keith, cocking an eyebrow. Keith sheepishly looks down again, a slight flush on his face. He knows Lance is right. He should’ve trusted everyone a little more than he did. He’s just been so lost.

“Yeah, well, Galra,” Keith corrects with a small sigh, because things wouldn’t be so weird if he’d just been an Alrusian or Olkari. God, he wishes he were an Olkari, that changes everything. “You know, when I was a kid I always wanted to find proof of alien life. Never thought it would be me.”

Lance stares at him blankly for a second, still in a way that looks wrong on him. Keith bites his lip; afraid he’s somehow offended Lance or reminded him he doesn’t like Keith or any number of shitty possibilities. “Oh my god, you’re such a nerd.”

“Like you’re any better?” Keith answers with a small, surprised laugh as relief runs hot through his veins. Lance laughs too, grinning teasingly at Keith as he leans forward a little, until there’s almost no space between them. “We’re all kind of kindred spirits.”

Kindred what?” Lance asks, cocking his head a little, a small frown of confusion coming over his face. Keith guesses that Lance wasn’t as big of a fan of Anne of Green Gables as a kid as Keith was, and flushes a little as he’s somehow been socially awkward _again_. 

“Kindred spirits, like people whose souls are connected,” Keith explains, shrugging a little as Lance stares at him curiously. He doesn’t know how to be clearer than that about how he feels for Lance and everyone else. They’re not friends or family, they’re something different, something sacred. “You know, like the stardust, but more specific to you and me or you and Hunk or yeah …”

Keith trails off, realizing his voice was a little too passionate, a little too loud, just like when he first got excited about said stardust. Keith has never been good controlling his emotions, and the positive are no different than the negative. Lance, though, just smiles at him and throws an arm around his shoulder. “Yeah, we’re kindred spirits.”

Keith is finally starting to have the things he wants.

* * *

“Shiro was – he was my only friend,” Keith mutters from where he’s sitting on the floor, gaze downcast. Lance bites his lip to keep from arguing that he, or Hunk or Allura, are Keith’s friends too. They’re all bonded through Voltron, connected in a way no one else can understand, but at the same time he’s not friends with Keith. Not yet. “Sorry, I know that sounds stupid.”

“No, no, I get it,” Lance promises as he slumps next to him, nudging Keith’s shoulder a little with his own. Keith glances over at him with a small, shy smile, two streaks on his face from where he was crying earlier. 

“Yeah,” Keith mutters, nodding a little before his gaze grows distant and far away, hands balling into fists. Lance sees the fight entering him, the rage, and decides he needs to stave it off. The last thing anyone needs right now is a fight.

“We’re gonna find him, Keith,” Lance promises instead, cautiously throwing an arm around Keith’s shoulder. Keith leans into the touch, seeming to focus on Lance again instead of whatever far off nightmare he created inside of his own mind.

“He might not even be alive,” Keith says, voice tight and wild and a little raised, reminding Lance of right before Keith faced the blade. Keith’s gaze is heavy with a mix of sorrow and rage as he punches the floor a little. Lance grabs his arms holding them until Keith finally stills, apparently realizing he’s not going to win a fight with the air that swallowed Shiro whole. 

Lance looks at him, determined and shakes his head a little at Keith’s words. “You can’t think that way.”

“We have to consider everything,” Keith counters, voice harsh like when the Galra took Allura, like when he was afraid he’d lose himself to his knife. Lance knows that voice means nothing good for Keith, and he is afraid for his almost friend. Lance doesn’t think Keith can survive losing Shiro again, not on top of everything else. “The fate of the universe depends on it.” 

Those last words make Lance still, nodding softly as he pats Keith on the back. He knows that Keith is right and that terrifies him.

* * *

“Kolivan’s mad,” Keith murmurs as he collapses on the couch next to Lance, letting out a small, frustrated noise as he rubs his hands over his face. Lance frowns a little, because the Blade being mad at them isn’t good. It’s pretty much the opposite since their only other allies with actual weapons are the Olkari and they’re at a serious disadvantage for actual space battle, no matter how cool their organic weapons are. They need the Blade, more than the Blade needs them right now.

“Well he has no right to be, it’s not our fault we can’t form Voltron anymore,” Lance says instead, letting his own annoyance match Keith’s because the Blade should understand what Shiro meant to them. Anyone who met him should. Keith shoots him a surprised look, breaking from glaring heavily at the window across the room, as though it were the stars were to blame for Kolivan’s moods (it takes months for Lance to realize he was glaring at himself and then it’s too late). 

“Yeah, but he’s right,” Keith mutters, gaze growing hard as he steeples his fingers together. “We’re not protecting anyone well enough like this. We’re not going to defeat Lotor like this.”

“Hey, I know … Shiro mentioned you flew the Black Lion once,” Lance says after a beat, catching Keith’s eyes. Keith frowns a little and shakes his head, as though trying to force the idea out of Lance’s mind. Lance holds his gaze.

“To find Shiro,” Keith finally admits with a small sigh, shrugging a little tiredly. Lance understands, because he’s a little wary about Keith leading to, even though he trusts Keith, likes him now. He’s still hotheaded and instinctive, guided by his emotions more than logic. They’re not the traits that make up a leader, they’re the traits for a lancer or second in command or just – Keith needs guidance and that’s okay. But Black can’t be guided.

None of this changes that Keith is still seemingly their only option.

“That’s what we’re doing now,” Lance points out instead, voice soft and encouraging as he pats Keith on the shoulder, trying to do what Shiro would in this scenario. It’s harder than it looked. But Keith flying Black doesn’t lead to Voltron, there’s still something holding them back. “The issue would be Red. She wants someone impulsive.”

“Yeah. You – you could fly Red maybe,” Keith says after a second, nodding decisively as he glances over at Lance. His gaze is trusting in a way that Lance doesn’t feel like he deserves.

Lance shakes his head, and finally gently pokes Keith in the chest when the determination in his gaze doesn’t fade away no matter how incredulously Lance stares at him. “What me? I’m not some hothead like you!” 

“You ran off with Nyma and those mer girls,” Keith reminds him with a small smirk, gaze a little mirthful even through his exhaustion. Lance rolls his eyes, letting out a tired chuckle as he punches Keith on the shoulder. At least some things haven’t changed.

“Oh, you jealous because none of them flirt with you?” Lance asks with a wide grin, knowing it doesn’t fully reach his eyes. Those days seem so long ago now that Shiro is gone, now that the rest of them are left to defend the universe with no guidance but Coran and their own wits. They’re not ready for this. Maybe Shiro wasn’t either, but he was sure better at faking that he was than Lance or Keith are right now.

“Something like that,” Keith mutters as he glances away from Lance at back towards the windows, tensing for a second and voice taking on a strange note Lance can’t quite place. It passes by the time Keith starts talking again. “But look – if I try to fly Black, which is a big if, someone has to fly Red, you’re the best bet.”

“Because we’re kindred spirits?” Lance asks with a gentle smirk, voice teasing even as he leans over to ruffle Keith’s hair a little.

“Yes, you asshole,” Keith answers with a small sound that’s half laugh and half pain, and Lance thinks things might turn out all right if they can just hold onto this moment. 

(They can’t.)

* * *

 

“How’s training with Red going?” Keith asks as he sits down on the floor in the training room next to Lance, glancing at the other boy whose still half in his armor with sweat drenched hair. It’s odd for Lance, who usually still looks perfect even mid battle in a way that makes Keith’s chest burn and throat catch a little.

“She’s terrifying and she keeps glancing over at you like Black stole you,” Lance answers slowly, and Keith gives a small, knowing nod in return. Red still screams in his mind, hurt and angry and longing, and Keith can’t help but answer back. He can barely hear Black at all next to Red.

“Sounds about right. She’s a good kitty,” Keith murmurs fondly, smiling a little as Lance snorts and shoves him a bit. But then Lance smiles crookedly, giving Keith a thoughtful look Keith can’t quite decipher.

“Yeah, good but a little intense,” Lance says with the same affection as his smile, gaze soft as he looks over at Keith. Keith blushes and he’s not quite sure why. “I’m surprised she let me fly her at all.”

“I told you she would,” Keith answers in lieu of figuring out the feelings deep in his stomach. He’s always run from feelings he doesn’t understand, from the ones he can’t fight and win.

Lance looks down, grinning at the assurance in Keith’s voice, at the confidence, but his own gaze is unsure as he looks back up at Keith. “Yeah, but why?”

“Because you’re sensitive and excitable, and Red likes that,” Keith explains, nudging Lance a little and smiling, because maybe they’re more kindred spirits than Keith even thought, maybe someday they’ll finally understand each other. “And yeah, you’re not as instinctive as me, but she’ll learn to work with that until we find Shiro.”

“How are things with Black going?” Lance asks after a beat, the shy pride in his smile fading into curiosity.

Keith winces a little, shaking his head as his bangs fall across his face. He’s been hoping this question wouldn’t come for a bit. “They’re not. Black lets me fly, but she doesn’t communicate with me, I’m flying blind.” 

“Well, she wants a natural leader, right?” Lance asks softly, giving Keith a small, almost sheepish look because Keith can hear the truth behind the words, the same thing he’s known since he stepped into the cockpit three days ago. He’s not what Black needs. 

“And I’m not one,” Keith agrees, scowling as he runs his hands through his hair, leaning back against the wall. He can’t – he won’t – be the reason Voltron fails or Lotor wins. Keith can’t allow that. Not when the universe (and Shiro) are depending on him to be better than this, stronger than this.

“No, but when I fly Red, a lot of times I think ‘what would Keith do’ and do that but with my own spin on it,” Lance murmurs suddenly, and Keith barely registers the arm around his shoulder through the tense fear running through him. “So maybe try acting like Shiro.”

“That’s what everyone’s always wanted,” Keith snorts a little, thinking back to what they told him at the Garrison, when Allura was taken, hell, what Shiro himself said before the Blade. Keith needs to change.

“Hey, this is only temporary, Keith,” Lance says suddenly, one hand pressing against his shoulder softly, an understanding in his gaze that’s sudden and new and makes Keith feel known and ashamed for reasons he can’t place.

“Yeah,” Keith agrees as he slides further against the wall, wanting to believe Lance but knowing deep down he’s painfully, painfully wrong.

Keith practices, forces himself to think and act more like Shiro after that, repeating patience yields focus like it’s a mantra. He forces down his passion and anger even as they burn in his throat, refuses to follow his instincts even as they and Red scream in his head too. “That’s fine, Pidge,” Keith calls with a soft smile after she makes a near dangerous mistake in training, the kind he normally does. He wants to jump in and protect her, to yell at the robot and stab it, but he forces the feeling away. Shiro wouldn’t feel that way. “Let’s just make sure to be more careful in the future, okay?”

“I … yeah, Keith,” Pidge answers after a beat, smiling warmly instead of the dubious looks she and everyone else have been giving him since he first stepped into the Black Lion. Keith smiles back, patient and kind and forces down the urge to protect her. It’s easier than it should and in the back of his mind, Red makes a sound that makes Keith shudder a little.

He pushes it away and keeps working on team exercises.

**

They’re in the middle of a battle a few weeks after that when the Galra attack a local planet, strong in technology production but weak in combat. Losing them to the Galra will cause unknowable damage to the Voltron alliance and the Blade. This is one of the most important battles of their life, and Keith has no clue what to do as the Galra surrounds their Lions from below. “Hunk, what do you think we should do?”

There’s a long pause from everyone else, the silence in the calm creating a low tension that builds in Keith’s veins, not helped by the way Red is making small, angry noises in the back of his head Keith can’t quite understand. He’s never not been able to understand Red before. Finally Hunk’s voice, small and confused, breaks through the comm link. “Aren’t you just gonna do a cool action move or something?” 

And Keith shakes his head even though no one can see him, because that hadn’t even occurred to him and it feels wrong that it hadn’t. Suddenly he thinks he understands what Red was saying, but Keith can’t focus on that right now. He doesn’t have a plan or an instinct to guide him. “No, we’re going to make a plan together, as a team.”

It takes a second, but Lance and Hunk come up with one that goes perfectly, and they all beam when Keith tells them he’s proud, but there’s something hollow in their gaze and his words.

***

“That’s all right, Lance,” Keith says when Lance tries to apologize for snapping at him, though Keith doesn’t understand the anger. Lance never wanted Keith to be passionate before. “But we don’t need me to be impulsive. We have a plan.” 

“Okay, Keith,” Lance says after a beat, and the mournful look on his face matches Red’s voice in Keith’s mind. Keith ignores the slow burning jealousy that creates in his stomach and focuses on telling Allura about the Galra. Keith has always succeeded when he’s determined. shouldn’t be surprised that it wasn’t any different when he decided to cut himself off from his feelings and instincts, but somehow he still feels his heart break a little from the loss.

* * *

“Whatever, Lance,” Keith finally snaps, crossing his arms as he leans in a little to glare at the other boy, venom hot in his throat. Lance can’t stop himself from grinning at the sight, at poking Keith in the chest a little to needle him even more. “I can get through that asteroid field faster than anyone.”

“There’s the Keith I know and love to annoy,” Lance says with a small smile as Keith’s angry expression fades into the confused pout that’s also been painfully absent the past few weeks as Keith faded away bit by bit without warning. Lance needs Keith, needs the fiery passion and instinct and annoyance. They make Voltron, the team, stronger, faster, and without them they’re all struggling. 

Keith finally lets out a small, pained laugh, a mixture of warmth and frustration in his gaze as he shoves Lance softly. “What, are you trying to piss me off?”

“Maybe,” Lance admits after a beat, shrugging his shoulders a little as Keith stares at him, laugh stopping and being replaced with wide, wild eyes and an open mouth. Keith, disappointingly, shakes himself out if it a second later, expression fading back into the emptiness that has taken ahold of him more and more since Shiro vanished.

“Well, that’s cute, but I can’t afford to be an impulsive hothead anymore,” Keith mutters instead, letting out a soft sigh as he gazes past Lance and towards the wall separating them from the Lions. Lance wonders if he’s thinking about Red or Black or both, if Keith has to take on this emotionless mask just to keep Red at bay. Maybe things aren’t so dire after all. It wouldn’t be the first time Lance made something worse in his own head.

“I had noticed a severe drop in you jumping out of the back of spaceships,” Lance says, giving Keith a lazy smile as he shoves him back softly, hoping to draw another annoyed expression from the boy, to get some fire back into his gaze.

“I don’t think I’ll be doing that anymore,” Keith murmurs instead, gaze still far away as he takes a step away from Lance, the distance between them feeling much larger than it should. Lance hopes more than ever that they find Shiro soon, and he’s not sure where the urge comes from, he just knows it comes from the way Keith slowly walks out of the room to the Hangar like it’s a death sentence.

* * *

“Hey flameface, you wanna go train?” Lance asks when he finds Keith going over the notes Kolivan gave them for the third time that day, expression blank and showing nothing. It’s unnerving, and even more so for how much Lance is starting to expect it these days.

“Wouldn’t be flame face anymore, that would be you,” Keith reminds him softly, and there’s something in his voice that borders on bitterness but doesn’t quite reach it. Lance frowns as he sits down next to him, poking Keith on the shoulder a few times and waiting for the other boy to push his hand away or roll his eyes.

Neither happen. Lance decides to try a different method, to try and remind Keith of their earlier, less sensible rivalry. Keith always reacts to that, always gets annoyed or challenges Lance’s perception of the Garrison or _something_. “Ohh, getting cocky aren’t you? Think you’re too cool to be just the arm now?”

“No. How’s Red doing?” Keith asks, voice calm and thoughtful as he glances up at Lance, none of the reaction Lance wanted. Keith’s gaze seems sad, longing for something Lance doesn’t know how to give him, at least not anymore.

“Red is fine. A little down lately, but still as temperamental and tough as ever,” Lance answers instead of asking Keith what’s wrong, because he doesn’t know how to fix Keith, but he knows that Red worries about him constantly, that she’s always reaching out past Lance. It’s something they still share even as other things seem to be growing more and more out of reach for Keith. “What, does she try and hide her feelings from you?”

“Red doesn’t talk to me much these days,” Keith answers softly, and Lance shakes his head because he knows that can’t be true. He can feel Red calling for Keith every time he pilots her.

Maybe. Maybe Keith means she’s not saying anything. Maybe that’s it. Lance has to believe it is, for the sake of Voltron. “Oh. Keith, you know this isn’t permanent –“

“We don’t know that!” Keith shouts, crossing his arms for a second and looking so much like himself that Lance wants to cry. The furrowed brow and angry mouth fade into nothing after a moment, arms falling to Keith’s sides loosely, all the fight gone. “Look, until we find Shiro, and we have no idea how long that will, this is how things work now. And you and Red are working beautifully together. It makes sense she’d want to spend more time in your head.”

“Yeah, maybe, but it’s okay for you to be mad,” Lance pleads. Please be mad is what he wants to shout instead, wants to shake Keith until he’s mad or hurt or anything that reminds him

“Thanks, Lance, but I’m not angry,” Keith says with a slow smile that looks like a plastic version of Shiro’s. Keith’s voice is tinged with regret that haunts Lance for months to come.

* * *

“I knew you’d be able to handle things while I was gone, Keith,” Shiro tells him at the welcome back party, throwing an arm around his shoulder and ruffling his hair a little. Keith smiles and tries to look touched, but the words don’t make him feel anything but a sense of loss that makes his stomach clench a little.

“Thanks, Shiro,” Keith still forces himself to say, focusing on the quiet (too quiet and Keith knows it) joy he feels at having Shiro back, safe and sound. They even found Matt Holt, Pidge clinging to him and crying the way Keith thought he would once when he saw Shiro again. He’s happy, but he should be happier. “But I’m sure Black will be glad to have you back. She’s already getting quieter in my head.”

“And I’m sure Red has missed her paladin,” Shiro throws out with a grin, and Keith feels cold at his words, not able to stop the wince that follows.

“Yeah, though I think she’s taken a liking to Lance,” Keith says instead, voice light and artificial in a way that makes Lance stare at him from where he’s talking to Allura about Blue and march over. Keith wishes he wouldn’t.

“We’re not a perfect fit,” Lance insists as he throws an arm over both Keith’s and Shiro’s shoulders, grinning between them cheerfully in a way that feels forced. Or maybe it only does to Keith because everything does these days. “Not like you two are. You guys are _kindred spirits_.”

Keith stares at Lance tiredly, shaking his head as the fear that’s been building in him for a month gently pushes its way to the surface, a whisper instead of the constant bang all of his emotions used to be. “Were.”

“What does that mean, buddy?” Shiro asks with a small frown, concern filling his gaze as he reaches out to grab Keith’s shoulder. Shiro shouldn’t be worried about him now, not when he just came back from being taken by the Galra again. Keith is being selfish.

“Just that I grew up,” Keith says with the same empty smile as before, cocking his head a little as he stares up at Shiro. “Like you wanted me too.”

Keith expects those words to earn him the same look as pride from before, the same warmth. Instead the concern grows along with a guilt Keith doesn’t understand. Shiro has never done anything wrong, least of all by Keith. “Keith –“

Keith darts out of the room before Shiro can finish his sentence, make himself more worried. Keith will fix things, just like he fixed himself. 

* * *

“Red, C’mon kitty, don’t ignore me,” Keith calls as he rubs a hand over her face, her eyes not opening, voice silent in the back of his head. Red is angry, Keith knows that, knows their bond ran deep, deeper than Keith has ever had with a person except for maybe Shiro. He thinks he was starting to form something like that with Lance, but … it’s faded the past few weeks, Lance feeling further and further away. 

“I know I left. I had to, for Shiro and Voltron. You know I didn’t want to,” Keith tries instead, voice soft and calm as Red still sits there silently judging him as unworthy. Keith feels the frustration deep in his bones, the longing that makes him want to start yelling at Red or throw himself on her until she opens up and remembers that they love each other. But that part of him is weaker, smaller than the logic driving him to try and make Red understand through words and logic and –

Oh. 

“Oh, that’s it, isn’t it? I changed too much?” Keith asks softly, what little fight there was going out of him as he presses his head against her forehead. He absently feels the tears prickling in the back of his head. “Red I … I’m sorry.”

Her eyes go on, low light but still there and Keith feels her reach out to him, connection weak and thin as she tries to comfort him or call to him. Keith can’t tell which.

“I’ll miss you, be a good kitty for Lance,” Keith says as he lets the tears start to glide down his cheeks, not caring about anyone seeing him vulnerable for once. Maybe if he’d let them out earlier, he’d be a fire instead of a flame that went out too fast. “Take care of everyone for me, Red?”

He hears a whispered yes in the back of his mind and then Red becomes silent again. Keith thinks this time the silence might be permanent and sobs against the cold metal of Red’s cheek. He deserves this.

* * *

“Keith, are – were you crying?” Lance asks as he walks into the Hangar, Blue singing excitedly in his mind as he promises her they can be together again. He doesn’t expect to find Keith there, expression empty outside of his gaze, which looks so lost, so broken in makes Lance freeze in his path. Today is about being reunited with Shiro, with Red and Blue. Keith and Lance are supposed to be happy.

But Keith isn’t so Lance isn’t either.

“A little, but I’m fine now,” Keith promises, giving Lance a weak, watery smile as he comes up to him, placing one hand on his shoulder in the same way Shiro does to Keith. The move looks wrong, feels wrong coming from Keith, who’s too young for it, too wild. Or he should be.

“But what’s wrong?” Lance presses when Keith doesn’t continue, grabbing the other boy by the waist. Keith looks startled for a second, licking his lips a little before going back to the same blank expression as before. 

“… I can’t bond with Red anymore,” Keith finally mutters, and Lance can see the tears gathering in the back of Keith’s eyes, see the way his hands clench and unclench uselessly. He’s seen Keith angry and joyous and empty, but Lance has never seen Keith defeated before. He finds he doesn’t like it. “I should’ve seen this coming. The thing that connected us, I don’t have it anymore.”

Lance shakes his head, because no. No. Red and Keith – Lance and Keith – are kindred spirits. Keith is still the same passionate, instinctive Keith underneath this mask. He has to be. “You have been … muted lately, but Keith, you and Red can reconnect once you –“

“There are things you can’t get back,” Keith cuts him off, voice empty and cold as he gently pulls Lance’s arm from his shoulder. He walks away from the hangar without another word, and Lance wonders if he was right when he thought that losing Shiro would kill Keith, just not the way he expected.

“Keith, we’re going to figure this out,” Lance calls out to him instead, because he refuses to believe this is the end for them, not with the way Red is crying in his head and Keith’s hands shake as he leaves the hangar. 

* * *

 “Isn’t that Keith Kim from the Garrison?” Matt asks next to him two months after Keith tells him he can’t bond with Red anymore, visiting from his research with the Olkari. He insists on meeting the Blade, and Lance knows enough about his and Shiro’s experience with the Galra that he can’t refuse him. Lance forgets that visiting the Galra means seeing Keith though.

Keith, who stands across the room in his black and grey Blade uniform, hair tied back into a ponytail. His expression is empty save when he shoots longing glances at Lance or Red, and it makes Lance want to scream. He knows Red reaches out for Keith constantly and he doesn’t understand why Keith can’t reach back, how Keith did this to himself. 

But maybe he does. Keith has always been a determinator, making any change he wants a reality through his will. Maybe Lance should’ve seen this coming. (He remembers approaching Allura, climbing out of Blue and tiredly glancing at him and Red from across the room one night, voice soft as he asks the question weighing heavily on his mind. “Did we make a mistake having Keith lead the team? Should it have been me or you or maybe even Kovilan?” Allura doesn’t say anything for a moment and Lance thinks she didn’t hear him or that she thinks his question is idiotic, and maybe it is, but then Lance hears a tired, whispered, “Yes”.) 

“Yeah, he was one of the Paladins of Voltron before we … had some roster changes,” Lance says instead of all of the things he thinks, and he catches Keith’s gaze as he speaks. Keith gives him a soft smile with nothing behind it, gaze darting towards Red every three seconds.

Lance wants to shove him against a wall, make him react. But he doesn’t (He’s too afraid nothing will happen).

“We’re you guys close?” Matt asks suddenly, and the look he’s giving Lance makes him feel exposed and vulnerable, arms crossing a little. He wonders idly if he looks like Keith now. 

"I guess you could say we were kindred spirits,” Lance finally murmurs, a little too loudly. Keith turns and walks away with the rest of the younger members of the Blade as though Lance said nothing.

Lance expects Matt to ask what kindred spirits means, what it entailed, and he has no idea how to explain the layers behind that word, more than friendship and almost lovers but not quite, how much meaning that phrase took on for Keith and then him in such a short amount of time when Keith just stole it from a children’s book. It just is and Lance has no better explanation. "Were?" 

Lance is relieved and a little sad all at once at the question. He catches Keith’s gaze again as the other boy stops at the door, looking back longingly first at Lance and then at Red. Then he’s gone with the rest of the Blade and Lance’s mouth tastes like ash. "There are things you don't get back."

* * *

There were two boys. One belonged to Blue and Red. And that’s all there is to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To anyone who saw the previous additional chapter "Author's Note" I apologize for being dramatic. I've talked to a friend and realized that I was A: overreacting and B: the stories are dated so it is clear *when* I wrote them anyway. If you didn't see that chapter, please don't worry about it one way or the other, I was just being silly.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm tempted to write a fix it fic sequel, but I haven't quite figured out how to fix it


End file.
